Bhakti...

I have often wondered about the source of an individual's bhakti (faith in God). Is it the fear of loss...is it to derive strength to face the unending struggle of life... or simply, a habit instilled by our forefathers. Can one actually feel the devotion... the bhakti, amongst crowded, sweaty gathering or does one need tranquility around? Well... I have always tried to distance myself from crowded religious places simply because of lack of peace one senses amidst the crowd.

Tirupati, the famous temple of Lord Balaji, is one such place in Andhra Pradesh where every Indian goes at least once in his/her lifetime. I must have gone there at least 10 times when I was in school, but each time I went there, I wondered if people actually went there owing to sheer devotion or did it have something to do with the aura and the grandeur of the temple. I might sound audacious and shameless when I confess that I never ever could connect myself with the Lord amongst the hustling and the bustling of the people, the overflowing materialism segregating the crowd on the basis of their ticket and with the '2 seconds darshan' that I would be granted. 2 seconds !!! I would wonder, is that even sufficient enough to pray to the Lord !!!

Today, I went there again after a period of 12 years !!! thanks to my parents who dropped in to Chennai to visit me. They always exuded great devotion, inspiring passion and excitement when it came to visiting the great shrine of Lord Venkateswara.

We started sharp at 6:00 am in the morning, my mind confused, pre-occupied and in search of something... I fathomed if the darshan would be the same or would I be able to look at things differently, from a new perspective... We were warned about the crowd as the day co-incided with Puthandu, Tamil New Year. Nevertheless, we went ahead with our plan, parents all geared up and eager and I very very unsure. We reached Tirupati in about 4 hours and then headed for Tirumala. The stretch to Tirumala, about an hour's drive from Tirupati was breathtakingly beautiful. The road, though narrow was sparklingly clean, greenery from both the ends encircling the route.

We reached Tirumala in about an hour's time. The road here widened. We headed straight for 'Quick Darshan Q Line' costing each of us Rs. 300/- and then commenced the tiresome, arduous, fatiguing wait...I came across lot of changes this time. Small small shops outside the temple gate or the Gopuram, windmills surrounding the temple, drinking water facility after every 10 minutes of walk, kids selling packets of cold drinks much to the relief of the crowd, but, what did not change...was the long, serpentine line of devotees thronging the passage. Thankfully, by sheer Lord's grace, the ferocious sun had decided to go on a vacation behind the clouds!!! and thus, we were saved.

Occasionally, one would hear the chanting of Lord's name (Govinda... Govinda...) and the chant grew more and more determined as we moved forth. My thoughts about people's belief in the Lord flooded me but I quickly shook them away and concentrated on the crowd. Sometimes, it is such a treat to watch them, each of them reacting... responding... laughing... hoping....praying...waiting... differently. What was disheartening to see was the innumerable number of kids crying their lungs out unable to endure the pain. I even came across newly wed couples, looking blissfull, dreams and hopes in their eyes, one of the couples even had the Shubh knot of the bride's saree with the groom's scarf tied :) such an endearing thing and deep bonding I thought.

We kept moving at a snail's pace and finally reached the place from where one would try to catch a glimpse of the Lord from a distance as we kept moving. God had unfortunately not been generous enough towards me as far as length of my frame is concerned, and hence, I considered it a futile exercise to even try to jump and catch a Darshan. My parents though managed to make a place for themselves from where they could view the Lord while being on the move. I waited for my 'Quick' darshan and started wondering as to what would I be able to take back in that '2 seconds'. Amidst my contemplation, I suddenly found myself standing straight front of him, not a single person in between...he standing all bejewelled, smiling... I was pushed within fraction of a second and I heard my father calling me to a place from where I could get more 'darshan'. But then, I already had what I wanted... I realized that you actually do not need tranquility to feel him, you do not even need 2 seconds of darshan to pray. All you need is that undying, unshakable devotion towards him, all you need is to love him the way you feel like, does not matter even if you do not comply with the rules and procedures of worship, and, that magical moment to connect with him.

Being content with the connection with the Lord, I moved towards getting the Prasadam, Sweet Pongal, Pongal and Laddoo, the other attraction of this place. After filling myself with the prasadam given, I start walking towards the car, sight being similar...re winded 4 hours back... move towards the same passage, the same madness, euphoric crowd with folded hands, prayers on their lips, the same cries, devotees chanting relentlessly Lord's name, only this time... I was on the other side of the fence...blessed...