The Other side ...

My last blog was a reminiscence of my experience of living alone in Chennai, the positive side of course. However, with every positive experience comes along certain risks, cetain fears and a lot of responsibility. And in this, I plan to write about just that - the other side. I hope sharing my experiences would be of some help to all you girls out there. From being followed on the road, to being molested, it has also been a scary experience living here.

A few days back I had a very disturbing experience of being molested when I was travelling on my cycle. And no, it was not late in the night, was sometime around 9:00 pm when this happened. Needless to say, I was shocked by this and I screamed ... literally for my life. I lost my balance and fell down on the road. Sensing danger, the guy sped away. Thankfully, my scream and my fall alarmed the passersby and they managed to catch him, he had to bear the brunt of the public, rage and fury of girls who have had similar experiences before in their lives. The police was fetched and he was handed over. I felt happy and relieved that I had the public support.

However, not everyone is as lucky as I have been so, here are few things that all the girls should pay heed to:

1. Try not to venture out late night, if you must, always have a group around and wear shoes that you can run in
2. Always choose a crowded area to travel and avoid narrow, secluded lanes
3. A friend suggested that we must always carry a weapon - a pepper spray, a knife ... anything that you may find handy
4. Always carry a jacket or a scarf in your bag when you are stylishly dressed for a party. Use them while you are on your way back so that you do not end up attracting unwanted attention
5. Trust your instinct - we girls have something called sixth sense. Use it ... say no to outdoor plans with friends' friends ... facebook friends ... or friends you do not trust cent percent.
6. Never accept a drink from anyone, always make your own drinks
7. Never take an auto / taxi to your place, always get down when you are at a distance from your residence
8. If you are travelling alone in a taxi late in the night try talking to a friend. The idea is to let the driver know that someone is aware of where you are and how you are travelling and make sure you note down the vehicle number while getting into it
9. Try and avoid ordering food from outside if you are living alone. The point is to avoid outsiders from knowing where you live
10. Create a tamasha. God forbid, but if someone misbehaves with you, just scream ... raise an alarm, get people's attention. Lot of times, we face this in crowded buses, if you are the victim, do not just keep quite, shout ...its ok to hurl abuses, remember ... NOBODY CAN TOUCH YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION AND IF ONE DOES, MAKE SURE HE PAYS FOR IT

So all the girls out there, take care and stay very very safe ...

The last six months of my life...

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it... so says Paulo Coelho...

Ever since I was in my teens, I had this incessant desire, a fervour unstoppable, towards living all by myself, towards seeking a responsible independence on my own. But this was a very very implausible dream till few months ago. Till, I came to Chennai...

A friend of mine the other day, observed a newly gained confidence in the way I acclimatized myself to this city. It instantly dawned upon me that it has been six months of living alone in Chennai. Six, fruitful... joyful...memorable months. What is it about living alone? The thrill...the independence...the learning curve or the responsibility that you undertake upon yourself? I would say a fragment of all.

It was February 13, 2010 when I landed here in Chennai, not having much of an idea as to what lay ahead. As the doors of the airport opened ajar, I contemplated for a moment of turning back and boarding the next flight to Kolkata, thanks to the gush of hot air archetype of the city that hit me instantly. I gave myself a hard knock and said "Welcome to Chennai".

My first day rocked perfectly, thanks to my friend, I was almost set. My first fridge...an apartment that I could call my own...my first gas connection...it just seemed to be perfect. I could sense my new found wings, a feeling of freedom that gripped me firmly as I embarked upon a new beginning. Over the last few months, there have been many learning while being on the move. There have been moments galore that I can go on citing and cherishing throughout my life.

Let me begin with my culinary skills...I have been blessed with parents and sister who have these magic wands. I do not know what they exactly do, but they get into an area called "kitchen" and stir up things that smell painfully enticing. Painful, 'coz it automatically stretches the elasticity of my stomach. Thanks to them, I never had to bother to step inside the kitchen. The scene at Chennai, the first time I offered my friend to have dinner at my place, he ended up cooking it himself :). Post that, every time he came to my place, he came in with an expression that would almost pop out of his face and would read "I am full". 6 months of staying alone, 6 months of constantly and innovatively coming up with half cooked, tasteless, burnt meals...made me sit up and say "hello" to the kitchen. Things look a lot more tasty now. Being a native of Kolkata, I never knew what water scarcity was all about, 2 days of zero water in Chennai, whoaaaa, I picked up on valuing the bare necessity.

Interestingly, I just started valuing my own self more. Like, keeping a guarded watch on the core essentials my life is surrounded by, learning to enjoy moments alone - be it grabbing a meal, catching up on a movie or aimlessly striding down the road. I have learnt to keep a hawk like eye on my expenses and reprimand everyone who carelessly messes with my abode, in short, I have learnt to grow up to be a more responsible human being making attempts at having a joyful ride. It is these little little things that you pick up on your way that makes life such a treat. But then, happiness always comes along with a shade of cloud, which sometimes overshadows the happy element.

'Coz, when you are living away from your family, it does feel lonely to enter an empty house at the end of the day...

Life is Beautiful ...

I saw her again today, and this time... she smiled at me. Her smile is beguiling...camouflaging expertly her outwardly pain and the pain within.

She walks differently, with her walking sticks and her hunch on the back. Her aide too gave me a friendly smile and I responded to that. It was refreshing to see unperturbed faces after the frowning ones that I get to see throughout the day. I do not know her name, never got an opportunity to strike a conversation with her. All I could gather, is that she stays in my neighbourhood, and goes for a walk every evening, gliding through the road, challenging the physical handicap with her mental strength.

They say, these are God's special children, perhaps in a way, they are. How else then are they able to preserve their naivety amidst the deceitful world? Amidst people who seemingly have everything but still there is something missing from their lives. The common human psychology that unfailingly fails to cherish the value of what we have best describes the law of diminishing marginal utility.

To us, the privileged lot, her life would mean futile dedicated solely to learn how to walk while we are busy running and finding a space amidst zillions of similar chromosomes. Her life perhaps would seem to be deprived of anything remotely related to joy. But then after all, "it is only a fool who can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving" - Dale Carnegie.

In my mundane and seemingly productive life, I have had the opportunity to interact with spastic children (I call them angels of God) and work briefly at an old age home. And I have often been struck by the sheer joy seamlessly intertwined with the pain coming through their eyes, their smiles adorning their faces throughout. How do they - shunned by the worldly wise men, manage to smile in their apparently painful lives? The smiles adamantly pull out the real me that mostly remain buried under layers of pretentious persona. Pretending to be diplomatic...pretending to be happy and pretending to be sad...

We seldom come across people who give us a new dimension to our routine lives, who speak through their eyes...thousand unspoken words of wisdom. Where my years of education has just about managed to flood me with different, confusing, obscure guidelines of what a "successful and happy" life should entail, these kids have actually helped me to understand what living is all about.

Life...is not at all a race, it has never been so for these kids. It is ok to falter...to slow down...to panic...to lose...to fall...only to rise again. There is no standard yardstick, no formula that should govern life. Life tends to lose its sheen sans problems and is a torture without hope. Life...I would say is just the consequence of the choices we make. Life is good when you use the uncluttered, ingenuous and unbiased part of you to make the choices.

And when I see life through the eyes of the girl in my neighbourhood...I feel ...Life is BEAUTIFUL :) :) :)

Being happy :) :) :)

Happiness is nothing more than good health and bad memory...Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect, it means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections...The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for...Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient...Be happy. Its one way of being wise...

And the list goes on...the list characterizing the very essentials of happiness.

The basic thread that binds all the individuals on this planet is their quest to find happiness, their undying, insatiable and the impossible desire to be happy forever and ever... It is this factor that binds the most powerful man with the most harmless of sorts, the good with the bad and yes, the George Clooneys and the John Abrahams of the world with ME!!! :) :) :)

My experiences - good and bad, in life have often landed me on a pedestal where I have had to put serious thoughts behind the factors contributing to that eternal happiness, and, each time it has just seemed to be in existence in a state of utopia. The ultimate nirvana probably comes by with complete detachment. But, what is the point in seeking happiness while living a life in isolation.

Over the life's experiences - sweet, bitter and some more sweet ones, I have just about started to believe that accepting life's situation can to a lot extent bring about contentment. But then, that always has been easier said than done.

This forum has this irresistible pull, it, at times embarrassingly imprisons your innermost thoughts and confessions that lead to revelations of sorts. Just the way it has captured this particular incident in my life.

Last Sunday, I landed up on this particular assignment, a different one from my earlier ones. It got me all excited, geared up for an immediate implementation. The child within me always comes out whenever accosted with challenges, all geared up, excited, enthused, slightly unprepared and a little scared.

I decided to take it up with full vigour, zealous each time the project moved forth, and thankfully my efforts did get paid off, and how, accolades from both my colleague and the client and an offer with an enviable portfolio to handle at another city. Mumbai - the city, as they say, that never stops. The accolades overwhelm me, since they are so very hard to get by in the professional circuit.

Do I jump at the offer??? The careerist within me tickles my feet to just jump at it, to just grab it with all the might, to cherish it, to lap it up and to hold it closely, but ... it is at this time that the girl within me takes over. The innermost girl within...who does not care to attain the supreme professional peak, who naively wishes to keep smiling for eternity, who craves for the small and simple joys of life and the one who harbours this joyful, imaginary world within herself.

Who cherishes a dream walk by the beach...the wind kissing her cheeks, the water tickling her feet, moon shining over winking at her...and that perfect meal waiting for her.

She, who sometimes becomes the happiest self, when, gifted a balloon, when given a ride on a cartwheel and whose gaze still fixes at a flying plane. Who runs to the terrace each time it rains, laughing uncontrollably as the rain trickles down her face. Fiercely independent in her thoughts and in her actions, she, who just wants to be happy.

She, who chooses to remain in her shell for most of the part trying to strike a balance between conforming to the standards of the materialistic horizon and her own realm of world. But then when she does wake up, she breaks all the rules, crushes all the worldly, covetous, over-hyped practical desires beneath her heel and ruthlessly tears apart all the conventional methodologies of life, needless to say, she sometimes creates havoc in the life of my alter ego - the worldly wise one.

The girl teasingly and mercilessly with her naughty eyes questioned if I really wish to give up the cozy, comfortable nest of mine, the world that I have so dearly created, my work here...and seek greener pastures elsewhere. My alter ego fumes up, trying to keep the girl under the closet, but she proves to be too powerful this time, reasoning confidently with a superior hand. My alter ego trying to drag me to the land of opportunities, but the girl holding me with her firm grip. I spent the entire night trying to make peace between them, only to realize at the crack of dawn that you just cannot have it all...you have to let go...that, perhaps is the ultimate truth of life.

Choice, is what we are compelled to make at every point, at all walks of life, sometimes compulsively and sometimes willingly but always with cent percent conviction and hope that it would reap benefits.

Happiness 'indeed' is a conscious choice, not an automatic response (Mildred Barthel).

And this time, I chose to get led by the girl. My alter ego ridiculed at me and just when I was starting to feel dismal about the loss of the seemingly advantageous proposition, the girl, with her hypnotizing and convincing eyes looked at me, smiled and hugged me tightly with this silent promise to guide me be what I want to be.... content and happy....

Lost childhood...

Innocent...childlike...unperturbed smile on his face...clinging on to the pole...swinging...swaying...floating in the wind...dancing in the air...trying to fly high up there...

Ah!!! having a blissful moment you might think, but hold on...this was the sight I came across while being on my way back home, in the moving train. The boy, something around 8-12, was clinging on to the pole with one foot outside in the air trying to have a slight thrill in his grief-stricken, bitter, burdensome life.

His innocent smile drew me towards him and there I was again, contemplating his future. Contemplate...debate...judge...that is all we, the fortunate, sophisticated lot end up doing in our comfort zones. Our take on this, "Oh that silly boy, playful, immature, a fool, doesn't he know that 1 slip up and either he is amputated for good or life bids adieu to him". Perhaps, he does know, perhaps he is tired of his struggling life, and this, is his way of flying away from his daily hardships. "But he should at least think of his parents, imagine what would they go through..." Not much, they might be relieved...they have lot many to feed any which way. Painful and cruel it sure sounds.

With my limited knowledge, let me try to picture a day in his life. Maybe his day starts at 5 in the morning, when our kids still snuggle beneath the warmth of the blanket. He, alongwith his siblings (around 4-5) embark upon a day that is dedicated towards earning a meager amount, not enough to put the bread on the table for the entire family. The activities might range from begging, working on a part-time basis at a roadside eating joint, selling newspapers, working as a part-time office boy, collecting garbage bags to engaging in some small time spurious, swindling activity to earn that quick money. And this happens while our kids go through complaining how boring the school is, how irrelevant the subjects are, how unthoughtful the mothers are for not having sent the favourite snack, how uncaring the fathers are for not buying the new computer game, how empty the fridge looks without the chocolates, what a pain doing homework is, how less the time is to play and how distasteful the dinner is...Thinking about it...how shallow our lives were when we were kids, ever complaining, grumbling, always dissatisfied...

So, coming back to us, what do/can we actually do to make the boy's life slightly easier, to make the smile stay right there for longer time? "I am strictly against giving them money, instead of begging why don't they do something, why don't they work?" you might argue, talking about jobs, sure, why don't you hire them then? Our principle does not let us give money, fair enough, always have a fruit or biscuits and lend them that, or, we could buy them food that is available at the vicinity. But that, would be a temporary arrangement.

What about the innumerable number of orphans that our country shelters? Our turn to react, "what about them??? There are orphanage centres spread across the length and breadth of the country... can't bring them home at least." Well, maybe we could...or maybe we should...or maybe we must...choose the option that is most convenient to you. And this would even lead to dual benefits - the country's population would be under control and these kids would get a shelter, a proper upbringing and eventually end up growing with proper inputs to move on to the ladder of life. Imagine !!! this act of ours would prevent wastage of untapped talent and potential of these children. Your turn to react, "You mean adopt !!! Oh my Gosh !!! Have you taken leave of your senses? Let an unknown person home??? Bring him up !!! But I would want to bring up only my child, my blood...my genes...my etc... etc... etc... I cannot welcome an orphan in my world (this is because the cynicism and materialism around us have ridden us of our humane values) God knows what genes...what disease he would be carrying." Well, whatever he carries, we can be rest assured that he would at least not carry this selfish, narcissist mindset of ours. And moreover, we can always get him medically checked and make precautionary arrangements before he...embraces us. Sounds idealistic, wishful, impractical??? Think again, I can't comment on the idealistic and wishful part, but impractical, not really if you let go off your obsession with having your own genes grow on to become another you (complicated, cynical, self-obsessed and unwelcoming). I guess it really is the time we stop pondering, mulling and debating over our tea time snack and take an action, make a change in whichever - small, big, temporary, permanent manner we can.

Till then...let the boy have his thrill but not cling on to the poll of the train...let him sway and swing but have his feet on the ground firm...let him fly away from the miseries, and definitely, let the smile remain...unperturbed...childlike...innocent...

Amen...

Bhakti...

I have often wondered about the source of an individual's bhakti (faith in God). Is it the fear of loss...is it to derive strength to face the unending struggle of life... or simply, a habit instilled by our forefathers. Can one actually feel the devotion... the bhakti, amongst crowded, sweaty gathering or does one need tranquility around? Well... I have always tried to distance myself from crowded religious places simply because of lack of peace one senses amidst the crowd.

Tirupati, the famous temple of Lord Balaji, is one such place in Andhra Pradesh where every Indian goes at least once in his/her lifetime. I must have gone there at least 10 times when I was in school, but each time I went there, I wondered if people actually went there owing to sheer devotion or did it have something to do with the aura and the grandeur of the temple. I might sound audacious and shameless when I confess that I never ever could connect myself with the Lord amongst the hustling and the bustling of the people, the overflowing materialism segregating the crowd on the basis of their ticket and with the '2 seconds darshan' that I would be granted. 2 seconds !!! I would wonder, is that even sufficient enough to pray to the Lord !!!

Today, I went there again after a period of 12 years !!! thanks to my parents who dropped in to Chennai to visit me. They always exuded great devotion, inspiring passion and excitement when it came to visiting the great shrine of Lord Venkateswara.

We started sharp at 6:00 am in the morning, my mind confused, pre-occupied and in search of something... I fathomed if the darshan would be the same or would I be able to look at things differently, from a new perspective... We were warned about the crowd as the day co-incided with Puthandu, Tamil New Year. Nevertheless, we went ahead with our plan, parents all geared up and eager and I very very unsure. We reached Tirupati in about 4 hours and then headed for Tirumala. The stretch to Tirumala, about an hour's drive from Tirupati was breathtakingly beautiful. The road, though narrow was sparklingly clean, greenery from both the ends encircling the route.

We reached Tirumala in about an hour's time. The road here widened. We headed straight for 'Quick Darshan Q Line' costing each of us Rs. 300/- and then commenced the tiresome, arduous, fatiguing wait...I came across lot of changes this time. Small small shops outside the temple gate or the Gopuram, windmills surrounding the temple, drinking water facility after every 10 minutes of walk, kids selling packets of cold drinks much to the relief of the crowd, but, what did not change...was the long, serpentine line of devotees thronging the passage. Thankfully, by sheer Lord's grace, the ferocious sun had decided to go on a vacation behind the clouds!!! and thus, we were saved.

Occasionally, one would hear the chanting of Lord's name (Govinda... Govinda...) and the chant grew more and more determined as we moved forth. My thoughts about people's belief in the Lord flooded me but I quickly shook them away and concentrated on the crowd. Sometimes, it is such a treat to watch them, each of them reacting... responding... laughing... hoping....praying...waiting... differently. What was disheartening to see was the innumerable number of kids crying their lungs out unable to endure the pain. I even came across newly wed couples, looking blissfull, dreams and hopes in their eyes, one of the couples even had the Shubh knot of the bride's saree with the groom's scarf tied :) such an endearing thing and deep bonding I thought.

We kept moving at a snail's pace and finally reached the place from where one would try to catch a glimpse of the Lord from a distance as we kept moving. God had unfortunately not been generous enough towards me as far as length of my frame is concerned, and hence, I considered it a futile exercise to even try to jump and catch a Darshan. My parents though managed to make a place for themselves from where they could view the Lord while being on the move. I waited for my 'Quick' darshan and started wondering as to what would I be able to take back in that '2 seconds'. Amidst my contemplation, I suddenly found myself standing straight front of him, not a single person in between...he standing all bejewelled, smiling... I was pushed within fraction of a second and I heard my father calling me to a place from where I could get more 'darshan'. But then, I already had what I wanted... I realized that you actually do not need tranquility to feel him, you do not even need 2 seconds of darshan to pray. All you need is that undying, unshakable devotion towards him, all you need is to love him the way you feel like, does not matter even if you do not comply with the rules and procedures of worship, and, that magical moment to connect with him.

Being content with the connection with the Lord, I moved towards getting the Prasadam, Sweet Pongal, Pongal and Laddoo, the other attraction of this place. After filling myself with the prasadam given, I start walking towards the car, sight being similar...re winded 4 hours back... move towards the same passage, the same madness, euphoric crowd with folded hands, prayers on their lips, the same cries, devotees chanting relentlessly Lord's name, only this time... I was on the other side of the fence...blessed...